The Fast & Furious Saga is one that’s near and dear to my heart. A franchise of humble origins (what if Point Break but cars) that has skyrocketed (let’s send a Pontiac Fiero into space), the films have faced their fair share of flak. The Saga has been derided over the years for being too silly, too earnest, and too convoluted. My counter to all of this is simple: I defy you to find a franchise that has lasted 20-plus years that constantly re-invents itself.
You may not like the films, an opinion I can understand, but it’s inarguable that the franchise constantly changes gears. Mileage may vary on which type of Fast & Furious you connect with, but it does provide options. Sure, they all revolve around cars and, more importantly, family. But Fast Five is a heist film; The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift is pure uncut street racing, and F9 is a full-on spy film on steroids.
This brings us to Fast X, the latest installment of The Saga. A film that has a reported budget of $340 million (that’s a lot), a film that lost its director a week into filming. It’s hard to tell how things will pan out. The franchise has faced far harder tasks before, and the untimely passing of Paul Walker, during production of Furious 7, seemed like an insurmountable loss. Furious 7 turned into the biggest hit of the franchise and the second most critically acclaimed.
I anticipated the Fast X trailer for a long time. It’s not the movie I'm looking forward to most this year (that would be Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny.) Fast X is the movie I am most intrigued by, however.
The trailer is crazy. It’s three minutes and fourty-one seconds of pure uncut family. It answers some questions I had and raises about 100 more. Let’s break this bad boy down.
First and foremost, welcome to the family Rita Moreno. She is playing Dom, Mia, and Jakob’s grandmother. She will be in, let’s say, three scenes tops, and roughly six minutes total of this movie. Still holding out hope they cast Pacino as the grandfather.
Okay, so, the first real weird shot of this thing. Why is Vin so… shiny? Did they CGI him? He looks like he was superimposed onto this scene, and the background looks like green screen. Something about the right side of his neck looks off, again this movie apparently cost Three Hundred and Fourty Million Dollars.
Just throwing this in to say I love it when a studio messes with its logo. Making it headlights? 10/10, no notes.
Retcon thy name is Fast. I cackled like a drunken king when this reveal happened. I was curious how Jason “Khal Drago” Momoa was going to fit into this film. In a million years I never would’ve guessed the answer was going to be “Yeah, he was actually part of the rich family they rob in the climax of Fast Five, a movie that came out in 2011.” Just the insanity of adding Jason “Duncan Idaho” Momoa to the final action set piece of the most well-regarded entry in this Saga fills me with glee. Now when I rewatch Fast Five I can silently smile to myself knowing Jason “Aquaman” Momoa is just off-screen the whole time.
I’m not going to be overly critical of the CGI here. Just throwing this out there, $340 Million. $10 Million less than Avatar: The Way of Water. $140 Million more (MORE!!) than Aquaman. The water looks bad, that’s what I’m trying to get at here. It looks like he is laying above a piece of glass looking into a Koi pond that needs cleaning.
What is going on here? Again, none of the elements of this scene look like they are from the same day. Was everyone busy? Are Momoa’s eyes CGI’d? Where is his neck? Smells like a real ‘his face on someone else’s body’ situation. Again – 5th most expensive movie ever made.
Nice. Good. Thank You, John Cena.
Helen Mirren probably pitched up for one day on set, maybe an afternoon (as is her prerogative.) She will be in exactly one scene, it will be a good scene, and she will be part of a charming press tour. Her character will only acknowledge her son Deckard (Jason Statham) and not her other son, Owen (Luke Evans), or her daughter, Hattie (Academy Award Nominee Vanessa Kirby).
Going into the trailer, I thought: can’t wait to see how acclaimed actress Brie Larson figures into all this. After the trailer, I thought: Brie, please get a new agent, you seem to barely be in this movie. No details on who she is, what she’s doing, or why she’s here. I really hope she has a substantial role – she’s a great actress – but I have low expectations. It seems like she is in two locations, maximum.
Nice. Good. Thank You.
If Han can forgive Deckard for trying to kill him, I can too. I cannot wait for this movie to logic out their reconciliation through the sheer power of… family. Did you try to kill me? It’s okay, we’re family. Did you try to kill my brother? What brother? He isn’t in these anymore, and no I don’t have a sister, don’t bring her up or the film she was in.
It makes me sad that Charlize just has normal hair in this, they gave her two awful haircuts in a row. I was really pulling for a mohawk this time round. I knew she’d be back in this movie, but here’s where we get to the biggest theory I have – and maybe the biggest swing this franchise could take.
ARE THEY ABOUT TO DO A BODY SWAP WITH MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ AND CHARLIZE THERON?
I see this frame, and I cast my mind back to the Pontiac in space. To that one time Dwayne “Not In These Anymore” Johnson punched a missile into a submarine. Now we are here, at the final frontier, a straight-up body swap. Halfway through this movie, Rodriguez and Theron will swap minds, so Charlize can infiltrate The Family under the guise of being Michelle. If this happens, I will hoot and holler at the screen in a deeply primal way. You thought space was too much? You ain’t seen nothin’ yet.
The body swap fight is going to lead to one helluva cliffhanger, to prepare us for Fast XI. Also, a friend of mine pointed out this could mean Brie Larson is in two body swap movies this year. Maybe it’ll become her “Rachel McAdams dates time travelers” niche.
So, there we have it. Fast X. Come May 19th, 2023, the end of the road begins. Good or bad (or Furious) I’ll be there.
Next time, I’ll finish up my Oscar predictions. After that? Maybe I’ll write about that other action franchise doing a two-part finale.
Great article!